Saturday, February 13, 2016

The Closed Heart

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm okay with not having a date for the big day.  It truly says a lot for what God has done in my life!

My divorce from Harper-Lynn's father has been final for two years.  I've dated one man in that time. It lasted about six and a half weeks before I realized I just couldn't do it anymore.  God has my heart so closed off right now.  If he were to send someone into my life I'd probably have to be hit with an arrow by Cupid to even realize what was happening! ha! I'm thankful for this closed heart though.

My closed heart means I'm able to focus more on God, Harper-Lynn and her needs, church, family and friends.  It's a blessing! I've always wanted things this way, but never really understood how to make it happen. The past two years have taught me what full surrender to God really means. I'll admit, it's not an easy thing to do.  In the beginning it was definitely baby steps. Eventually the events of 2015 led me with only one place to turn...GOD! I realized I wasn't in control.

Once I was no longer in control of everything, God began to move in me in a way I've never felt before.  I could understand the Bible more, felt fulfilled in my heart and just felt lighter in my Spirit.   It was like all areas of my life were puzzle pieces and they finally fit.  I give God all the glory!

Many people have asked me if I'd be open to dating and eventually marrying again.  Honestly, it's a tough question to answer.  I think I'd be open to it, but my list of the "perfect" man for me is so high, I'll definitely remain single until God decides it's time to change it!

Because I know folks will private message me wanting to know what my "perfect" man looks like I'll just go ahead and share my list with you...

*Christian (fully surrendered to God)
*Fully accepting that Harper-Lynn and I are a package deal!
*Must eventually go with me to some of Harper-Lynn's appointments to be an active part of her therapy
*A great role model/dad to Harper-Lynn, a leader for our family (no exceptions!)
*A visible and deep love for others
*Understands I won't be having anymore children
*Loves his job
*Respectful of my health issues
*Someone my family likes/His family needs to like me and Harper-Lynn as well
*Enjoys holidays and family time
*My best friend!

There are many more things I could add to this list, but these are what I could come up with on the fly! I don't know if it's God's will for me to remarry.  I can honestly say I'm okay either way....and that amazes me! God is so good!