Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Perspective


It's pretty safe to say that I have abandonment issues.  My biological father left our family the day after my 8th birthday and really didn't play much of a role in my life after that day.  When you are that age you don't really understand what's happening around you.  Like most children, all I saw was my family being broken apart. 
 
I was looking at some of my baby pictures recently and found one where I was probably 18 months old.  The photo is of me, my mom and my father.  We all look so happy in it...the perfect little family. 
 
I often wonder how anyone could walk out of their child's life.  I look at Harper and I just can't imagine missing a second of her life.  Every time I'm away from her, I wonder what I'm missing out on. 
 
I guess I will never understand the choices my father made.  I can definitely say he missed out.  My sister and I turned out pretty great I think.  We each have beautiful little girls; my sister through adoption and me by the grace of God.  Does my father even realize any of this? Does he even care?
 
One day I'm going to have to tell Harper about my biological father.  It definitely won't be an easy discussion.  I will say, though, she's very lucky in that my step-dad is totally in love with her.  He is the best grandfather to her and I'm so thankful for that.  While she will most certainly have questions about my father, I know she won't miss out on a grandfather in her life and at the end of the day, I couldn't ask for more than that.
 
*Harper just before we left the hospital after she was born.